Use a stool that gives you full access to their back. If you use a chair, make sure the back of the chair is low enough to give you access to the back of their shoulders. If you don’t have an appropriate chair or stool available, place a comfortable cushion on the ground. Have your partner sit cross-legged on the ground while you kneel behind them.
When you find tension knots, you can apply focused pressure. For the most part, though, keep the pressure firm but not intense.
Place the ring, middle, and index fingertips of your hands where the base of your partner’s head meets the neck. Apply light but firm pressure. If that feels uncomfortable, use whichever fingertips feel right to you. You might use just index and middle fingers. Slide your fingers down the sides of their neck, sweeping over onto the shoulders. Make sure to apply even pressure throughout, running your fingers over the muscles.
Place your thumbs on the tension knot. Place your other four fingers on each hand on the front of your partner’s shoulder to stabilize your thumbs when you apply pressure. Apply firm pressure with your thumbs in a kneading, circular motion to release the tension in the muscles. Do this throughout the shoulder muscles, but especially on tension knots.
Place your thumb on one side of the neck, and the tips of your other four fingers on the other side of the neck. Apply and maintain firm but gentle pressure. Glide your hand up and down the length of the neck. Move along the width of the neck as well. Glide along the muscles along either side of the spinal column on the back of the neck. Widen your hand to loosen the muscles on the sides of the neck as well.
Stand behind and slightly to their right. Place the thumb of your left hand on the right side of their neck. Wrap your other four fingers around to the left side of their neck to stabilize your thumb’s pressure. Just as you did on the shoulders, knead your thumb in circular motions up and down the length of the neck. Focus attention on any tension knots you encounter. When you’ve finished the right side of your partner’s neck, move to stand behind and slightly to the left of them. Repeat the process with your right thumb on the left side of the neck.
Place your left hand on their left shoulder to stabilize them. With the fingers on your right hand facing downward, place your thumb on the back of the neck and your remaining fingers on the side of it. Applying pressure, glide your hand in a downward motion. At the end of the motion, your thumb should be on the back of the shoulder and your other fingers should be on the front of the shoulder. Knead your fingers into any tension points you feel.
Move so you’re standing at your partner’s side. Place one hand on the front of their shoulder to stabilize them. Place the heel of your palm between their shoulder blades. Apply firm pressure in a long, deliberate stroke from one shoulder blade to the other.
Standing at your partner’s side, place on hand on their back to stabilize them. Use your fingertips to rub firmly in circular motions just under their collar bone. Make sure not to press on the bone itself, as this will cause pain.
Place your hands on their shoulders, applying gentle but firm pressure. Maintaining that pressure, run your hands down from the shoulders to their upper arms, then back up. Repeat this a few times. Rub up and down the upper arms, loosening those muscles.
The muscles in the shoulders, neck, back, and arms are closely related. By paying attention to a wide area of muscles instead of the few muscles that may hurt, you are more likely to ease their muscle pain.
Use your palms to apply light pressure over larger areas of skin and muscle. Use your fingertips for firmer pressure. Use your knuckles on particularly tight muscles.
Tie long hair back so it doesn’t hang in your partner’s face. If they have long hair, sweep it back and over the side of the table or bed so you don’t accidentally pull it during the massage. Ask them to either remove their shirt or to wear a top that exposes their chest from the collarbone up. You should provide a towel or blanket if he’s uncomfortable with exposing their chest.
Some household oils, like coconut oil, also make wonderful massage oils. Olive oil, almond oil, and sesame oil can work well, but they tend to be heavy and thick. Use smaller amounts of these oils for a massage. Make sure your partner doesn’t have any nut allergies before using almond or sesame oil. Work the oil or lotion through your hands by rubbing them together. This warms the product up to make it more comfortable for them.
Place your thumbs under the neck and run the inside of your index finger down the length of it. Begin at the ear and work down to where the neck meets the shoulder. Fan the motion out over their shoulders as well. You can use your middle, ring, and pinky fingers on the front of the shoulders.
Loosen the muscles further by pulling your fingers up and away from the table or mat. In doing so, their head should almost be lifted from the surface. Repeat this motion with your fingers all along the length of the neck.
Use the length of your thumb, not just the tip. This applies diffused pressure rather than focused pressure. Stay away from the exposed front of the throat. Applying pressure there will cause a good deal of pain.
Place your thumbs lightly against the back of the shoulders. Place your other four fingers along the front of the shoulders. Apply kneading pressure both to the front of the shoulders and to the upper chest, under the collarbone. Make sure not to apply pressure directly to the collarbone, or any bone. This can be very painful.
Be firm, but not rough. Your motion might lift their shoulders a little bit off the surface, but they should not be flinching.
With your free hand, use your fingertips to apply long, firm strokes from the earlobe down to the chest. Use your thumb to knead the side of the neck in small circles.
Make a loose fist with your free hand and push the side of your fist into the side of the neck, just behind the ear. Apply intense pressure and move your fist very slowly down the side of your neck. Work your way down to where the neck meets the chest. The intense pressure can be very painful if you move your hand too quickly down the neck, so move at a glacial pace. Be careful to watch for signs of pain. Deep tissue massage, while relaxing in the long run, can be uncomfortable in the moment. Give them a break and have them take deep breaths if they feel pain. Begin again when he’s ready.
Place your fingertips on those muscles and apply firm (but not painful) pressure. Move your fingertips in a circular motion to break up the tension in that area.
