Recognize that anyone can be unkind. Classmates, parents, teachers, and even therapists can say and do terrible things to autistic children. Teach your child that it is wrong for people to treat them this way. Assure them that they are allowed to be different, and that it’s not their fault if someone else treats them badly. Bullying is caused by people choosing to be bullies, not by the victim being themselves. Teach your child that they can do whatever they want, as long as they are being safe and respectful of other people’s feelings. (Hitting is not okay. Rocking back and forth is. )[2] X Research source
“Well, you look excited today! Are you flapping because you’re excited to see Grandma?"[3] X Research source “Is everything okay? You look unhappy. " “Tommy, Lulu’s making that sound because she’s upset. Please stop getting in her personal space. "
Noah flaps his arms when he feels overwhelmed. Rachel paces whenever she falls into deep thought. Her parents know that usually an impromptu science project follows this, and are looking into science programs at her school. Jamal used to bite his fingers when he was worried, until his dads helped him redirect to biting chewy jewelry.
For calmer trips out and about, ask a child to pick a stim toy from the box to take along. Write down where you found each stim toy, in case they break or become misplaced.
Inform your child that their behavior looks odd, using a neutral tone of voice to make it clear that you aren’t ashamed. “Most thirteen-year-olds don’t carry stuffed animals to grocery stores. If that bothers you, you could go get a different stim toy from your box. But it’s okay to be different, and I’m fine with either way you choose. " Never try to change a behavior only because you find it embarrassing. If this is the case, it may be yourself who needs to change to accept others.
