Being tired most of the time Losing interest in things once enjoyed Getting irritable or angry quickly Having trouble concentrating Feeling anxious Overeating, or not eating at all Experiencing aches, pains or digestive problems Having difficulty sleeping, or sleeping too much Being unable to meet responsibilities at school, work or home Having thoughts of suicide
Some ways to start a conversation may include: “I have been feeling concerned about you over the past few weeks” or “I’ve noticed some differences in your behavior lately, and I want to talk to you. “[2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If there is tension between you and your boyfriend, refrain from bringing up the notion of his depression. This could come off as accusatory and cause him to shut down.
It can be easy to come off as blaming or judging your boyfriend if you are not careful with your language. A statement like “You have been really mean and irritable lately” might cause him to become defensive. Use an “I” statement - that focuses on your own emotions - instead, such as “I am worried that you may be depressed because you haven’t been sleeping at all. Plus, you’re avoiding your friends. I would like us to talk about ways we can get you feeling better. ”
For example, you might say “It sounds like you have been feeling really agitated and can’t get yourself out of this state. Thank you for sharing that with me. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but I will do whatever I can to help you. ”
Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself? Have you ever tried to commit suicide in the past? What plan do you have for ending your life? What means do you have to hurt yourself?
You might also call 911 or a local emergency services number if you believe your boyfriend is an immediate threat to himself. Have someone remove any items that could potentially be used as a weapon. And make sure someone stays with him at all times.
Keep in mind that he may not have any idea what you can do to help. With that being said, asking something like “How can I be there for you right now?” could allow him to tell you what support should look like for him.
Consider a shared activity that you and your boyfriend can do together that will provide health-promoting benefits to the both of you. Suggestions might include new fitness class in the gym, a home workout program, running in the park, or participating in group sports.
Help your boyfriend stock his fridge with heart and brain healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables, fish, and limited amounts of meats and dairy which have been associated with lower rates for depression.
Possible activities that may help him to manage stress include deep breathing, going for walks in nature, listening to music, meditating, writing in a journal, or watching funny movies or videos. [16] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
Try being supportive instead of enabling. [19] X Research source Gently push your boyfriend to be physical active, join in on social activities, or get some fresh air, without demonstrating “tough love” or neglecting him. Your boyfriend wants you to show empathy and love, but he does not need for you to take all the responsibility of healing away from him.
Strive to stick to your regular routine as much as possible, making sure that you are fulfilling your own responsibilities at work, school, or home. Also, set clear limits of what you can and cannot do for him. You may feel guilty, but, know that you are not responsible for making him feel better. Trying to do too much might jeopardize your own health and well-being. [21] X Research source
Aim to just be there, and offer your assistance and support wherever needed. Your boyfriend will have to overcome depression in his own time.
And, don’t feel guilty for taking time out for yourself. Remember, you won’t be of any help to him, if you are neglecting yourself.
A relationship is is not a marriage. As partner, you have a right to break it off if it is not working for you. You are not a bad person if you discontinue a relationship with a person who is not able at this point to offer much to you and especially not if it is not supporting you. It is important for you to know what you want out of a romantic relationship, and consider if you are getting what you need. It is not selfish to put yourself and your needs first. Especially as an independent adult, no one is patrolling your needs. You have to care for yourself before you care for others. Sometimes depression can make a person unable to maintain a romantic relationship. That is not a reflection on you, as the significant other, nor does it mean you are somehow deficient. Just loving someone does not mean you can necessarily overcome what can be a significant mental illness. Depression is not an excuse for abuse, manipulation, or other poor treatment. Depressed people are more prone to behaviors that are negative. However, if your significant other is not in control, that does not absolve him or her of responsibility. In fact, you may have to remove yourself from the situation to protect yourself. It is not your responsibility to manage his reaction to a break-up. A real fear after a break-up with a depressed boyfriend is that he will do something dramatic, including suicide. But you cannot control his actions. If you do have concerns that your ex may harm himself or others, get help. Do not allow yourself to be trapped in a relationship you fear to leave.
