Problems at work and school, such as showing up late or not showing up at all due to hangovers. Frequent blackouts after heavy drinking. Legal problems due to drinking, such as arrests for being drunk in public or drunk driving. Inability to leave a glass of alcohol half full or to be around alcohol without drinking it. Planning schedules around drinking and hangovers that follow. Relationships that have been harmed due to the person’s alcohol use. Craving alcohol first thing in the morning and experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking.
Try to remember a few key sentences that are important to you. For example, you could say, “I love you and I’m worried that you’re hurting your health by binging on the weekends. I’ll support you in getting the help you need. “[2] X Research source It may also help to have a group of trusted friends to help you talk to your loved one. Be careful that they do not feel ganged up on, however.
Pick a time to talk when the person hasn’t been drinking. Speaking in the morning is usually best. It’s alright to talk if the person is feeling hungover. Bring up the fact that the person is harming their body by making it sick day in and day out. Be prepared for denial. Alcoholics typically deny there is much if any problem with their alcohol intake. They are unlikely to acknowledge the issue, or take it seriously until they are ready. While you should keep attempting to bring truth and reality to the person, be prepared for the fact this is unlikely to be the day.
Be warned this will likely trigger a personal attack or personal criticism. Part of an alcoholic’s defense against fully recognizing what negative effects their behaviors are having is often by making other people the reason they drink. As a result, commonly any comment that there is a problem will be countered that the “problem” is the issue (such as work or spouse), not the person. Try listening honestly and be reasonable. This, of course, is much easier said than done. But it is hard to get angry at someone who is being pleasant, accepting, and honest. [6] X Research source You do not have to accept blame or abuse. Healthy boundaries are important in dealing with an alcoholic, as often this is lacking with a person dealing with alcohol issues. Even if there are problems that have contributed to alcohol issues (relationship issues, for instance), ‘you did not cause the alcoholism’. Nor is it acceptable to act in an cruel, manipulative, irresponsible, or otherwise abusive way. You have every right to walk away or otherwise disengage from an alcoholic acting in such a manner. This is not “being mean” or “abandoning” the person. If the alcoholic does not have to face that such behavior has a negative effect on their life, they are likely to keep drinking.
The person may not want to discuss the issue that leads to the drinking or might deny there’s even a problem. [8] X Research source Understand, however, that alcohol use fundamentally changes a person, often to the point it is hard to know what is due to drinking, and what is the real person inside. Alcohol can cause irrational behavior, poor decision-making, and muddy thinking. This can still continue even when an alcoholic is not currently swigging a drink. Asking an alcoholic “why did you do that?” may not yield useful answers. The “answer” may simply be “because of the alcoholism. " It is OK if you still do not understand. You may not be able to, and you may not be in the best position to do so. Just loving a person a lot does not mean you can fix them. For example: A 14 year old may not be able to understand the world the way a 41 year old can. A person who has not been in combat cannot fully comprehend what it is like to see a comrade die in battle.
You need to understand that you cannot stop the person from drinking. But you can suggest and assist the person in finding help. [10] X Research source This does not, however, mean you help the person get alcohol, or condone them using it.
If you think the person is an alcoholic, the time has come to get others involved. The problem is too big for you to tackle by yourself, and you must get outside help for the alcoholic as soon as possible.
If the person is open to getting help, offer to put them in touch with a professional. Have a list of resources ready to hand to the alcoholic. It should include contact information for local Alcoholics Anonymous groups,[12] X Research source the names of therapists and psychologists who specialize in helping alcoholics, and a list of rehabilitation centers. [13] X Research source
A professional therapist will know how to handle defensiveness and other behaviors that may upset or confuse close family members.
Come up with non-alcoholic activities to do together. Very often, when an alcoholic has made drinking so much a part of their life, finding activities that are alcohol-free can feel unnatural. Being a good role model and friend can mean rediscovering that one can have fun, socialize, and relax without a drink. Encourage the person to attend AA meetings frequently and to get counseling when needed. Let them know that you’re there to talk if they need you.
Consider getting therapy for yourself. It might be helpful to have someone to talk to about your feelings during this emotionally difficult time.
Make sure you’re dealing with your own personal issues during this time. Avoid focusing so much on the person with the drinking problem, that you hurt other relationships in your life or develop dependency issues of your own. [17] X Research source
