Helping your child to make friends may be anxiety-provoking for them. Pay attention to your child’s actions and body language. They may be overwhelmed or frustrated if you work on making friends for them. Notice if your child seems generally happy and content. If your child has few or no friends but seems to be happy, think about how the activities that they enjoy may be more independent. They may like to have more alone time. Avoid making assumptions. Get their input before taking action with help.
Be a role model for your child by displaying your healthy friendships. Focus on helping your child develop conversational skills, interpersonal skills, and emotional self-control in order to help them make friends on their own. [3] X Research source Teach them that friendships become more important as they grow older, and that friends help you to feel happier and supported. Discuss what makes a good friend, and what makes a bad friend. Help them to identify qualities in others that would make good friends such as reliability, kindness, understanding, similar interests or personalities, and trust.
If your kid is under seven or eight, you may take a more active role in setting up playdates. Provide encouragement to your older kids in less direct ways. Consider saying, “Want to invite a friend over this weekend? We could have a pizza night” or “Did you want to pick the movie for movie night this week? Maybe you could invite a friend over this time?” Allow your child to slowly feel comfortable in their environment and feel positive about their interactions with others so that they will begin to associate positivity with friendships.
Encourage them to play with neighborhood kids that may be younger. Invite your neighbors over for a get-together and help to introduce the kids to each other. Have your child grow more comfortable with others by interacting with other siblings, cousins, or relatives that are younger.
For example, maybe your shy kid likes to do outdoor activities. You want to sign them up for little league, but they’d rather go hiking in nature. Focus on clubs like Boy Scouts or 4-H instead. Even if the activities aren’t group-oriented all the time, it can help to teach your child about social interaction. Consider pottery classes, swimming lessons, or gymnastics.
For example, role-play with them about situations at the grocery store, in a park, at school, on a playground, and at family gatherings. Use different scenarios of when people or kids are more friendly and less friendly. Help to explain what to say or how to act if they encounter a difficult situation or person. But most of the scenarios should involve friendly encounters, so that it encourages them to act in public. When they are in public, help to remind them of what they learned and how to act more open and friendly.
Show them how to share things and help others. Be a model for kindness towards others. Explain how helping others can often lead to friendships. Talk with a diverse array of people. Instead of being irritated by others, show your kids how to be relaxed and friendly. Talk with the people in a checkout line. Engage in conversation with other shoppers at a store. Be open to asking questions or giving advice to others in public.
For example, if you’ve just picked up your child from school, avoid asking them things like, “So did you eat by yourself again today at lunch?” or “So did you stay in class at recess again?” Allow for more open-ended questions that lead to more details with time. For example, ask, “Did you have a good day?” or “How was recess today?” and then follow up with questions such as “What made it a difficult day?” or “What activities did you do at recess?” Be sure to monitor your own negativity as well. If you frequently mention the dangers of the world or speak negatively about others, your child may begin to view others as threatening and untrustworthy.
Build their confidence through words of encouragement such as, “You’ve got such great artistic talents. I bet other kids would want to see your work” or “You’re such as kind person. Helping others on the playground is great idea. ” Give them physical affection through hugs. Make them feel comforted and loved with hugs on a regular basis.
See shyness as a part of a kid’s personality traits. Some people are extroverted and others are introverted. It’s okay to be either. Some children may just have a temperament style that is considered “slow to warm up,” meaning they’re cautious around new people or places. Some children like to naturally explore their environment while others need greater encouragement and support. [12] X Research source Accept that not all children are the same. Shy kids actually tend to be better listeners and are less likely to get in trouble at school.
Pay attention to how they act at home, at school, with other family members, and in public. When do they seem most relaxed and open? When do they seem least talkative? Help to recreate situations that make them feel more open and interested. Make sure to engage them in the activities, rather than inadvertently making them feel left out.
For example, let’s say your friends or family are visiting your home. Your kid has been practicing piano and you want to show off the kid’s skills to your guests. Without warning, you ask your child to play for the guests. The kid will likely run off if they’re shy or be too nervous to play. As another example, rather than telling someone, “She’s feeling shy,” try to reframe it like, “She just likes getting to know people a little before talking to them. “[14] X Expert Source Wits End ParentingParenting Specialists Expert Interview. 5 March 2020. Instead of pushing them suddenly while others are watching, talk privately with your child beforehand. Ask them if they would be willing to play. If they aren’t yet ready, try small steps such as having them play in front of you or one other guest first, and then in front of a group of people.
Persistent avoidance of school or people leading to school absences or missed events Avoidance of eye contact and making other people feel very uncomfortable in their presence Shyness that comes from a place of intense anxiety or anger, possibly due to abuse or trauma Very low self-esteem in which depression and anxiety appear on a regular basis
